The pain overtook the promise of helping Adam.

It has cost dear Carolyn her life.  A Collins died tonight as a direct result of their acquaintance with me.  How can I write that?  “A Collins has died.”  Someone has died.  A woman you loved has died, yes.  And that it was brightest, sweetest Caroline.  She was a woman with more loyalty and fire than any man deserves, and she gladly sacrificed it on the altar of that monster.  Yes, monster, Adam, for that is what you are.  You are an unworthy hog, devouring knowledge, friendship, kindnesses, and love with regard for none of of it.  Sated by none of it.  Caring only for yourself, as if you feel as if you are the only singular and misunderstood creature on this planet.  Well, I assure you, boy, you are quite understood.  Based on that understanding, you are bitterly hated.

I had hoped that you might feel remorse, but it was the opposite that seized your heart.  You now dare vow revenge.

You swine.  You ignorant, childish swine.  She was my blood.  She was my responsibility.  How dare you think that your sense of mourning is more intense than the pain and accountability that I feel?  I eagerly entered into combat with you.  I knew you’d win the day, but with the lives of every Collins at stake, how could I do otherwise but to charge bravely and fight with all the valiance I could muster?

As a result, I am debilitated, and he is now tearing toward Collinwood.  I have no ability to reach the great house, and he will easily outpace Julia.  Curse me for denying a telephone.  No, curse me in general.  Had I allowed Willie to shoot him, none of this would be happening.  My life for Carolyn’s is a transaction I would make with haste and a stout heart.



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