469

Doctor Lang gives me assurances that I have heard from others.  They were wrong, and for his sake, I sincerly hope that he will not rank himself among them.

This evening, I was seized from my dreams by a wild paranoia of being observed accompanied by an unquenchable need for essence.  By the time Doctor Lang had answered my call, the sensation had begun to pass.

He told me that his treatment was only temporary, but that he had a means by which I could be wholly human once more, with no further fears.

What does that mean?  Yes, I’ve bathed in the sunlight and drunk in nature’s bounty, but to be human?

Yes, I desire it; indeed, such a possibility has dominated thoughts spanning back centuries.  But what shall it cost me, to be as other men?  Can my will be manifested as it is now?  Can I take to the air or gambol through the dreams of others?

And has this given me some strange, intangible desirability to others?  The attentions of Carolyn have been nothing short of invigorating.  Would an ordinary man of my age and manner command the same attention?

Would I be prepared for an attack from Angelique?  Could I protect others from such a calamity?

Is my evil a result of my condition, or did it reveal the wicked man that I truly am?  Would that remain after my bloodlust subsided?  If it does, will Sarah ever forgive me?

Why do I fear happiness?

BC

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