364

That Evil is Wicked is well-understood,

The Wicked are punished, so you must be Good.

When Sarah spoke her first phrase with full understanding, it was that.  I taught it to her after many months of playing with her, rocking her to sleep, and caring for her on our long sea voyages.  Mother discovered that she was expectant with her whilst we were many months from home, and so Sarah was born at sea.  Mother was quite ill as a result, but father insisted that we continue with business, leaving her in a small hospital in Martinique.  Consequently, raising Sarah was left between to au pair and me.  From that point forward, we shared a bond unlike any I have known.  Is it what a parent feels?  Perhaps.  I know this; she loved me, despite any circumstances.

Her death, then, was shattering on a level that words cannot equal.

She has returned.  She has visited me.  She will not stay because I am an evil man.  I have hurt people and killed people because it is necessary.

That is who I am.  I am an evil man who has forgotten goodness.  And  she shall never return until I find my way to goodness.

Of all people to attempt to comfort me, it was Doctor Hoffman, who proclaimed that she was not jealous of Miss Winters.  And while I was briefly warmed by that, I also found it profane that she should be the ambassador of kindness.

Miss Winters has returned from Boston.  In her eyes, I shall find solace.

 

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