It was a masterpiece of deception, and Newton’s Third Law took center stage.  Once again, my performance would have put good Mr. John Palmer to shame.  Young Master Collins found the coffin and me and it was with great satisfaction that I sent him away to bring the authorities.  Yes, I teasingly protested their demands to search Collins Hall right up until they were ready to call in the entire Navy… and then I relented.  They came.  They saw.  I conquered.

Really?  Moving a coffin in a basement that size?  Young Loomis would take a fortnight.  I am somewhat more efficient.  It would take him an hour to just slam together a subject and a verb.

No matter the calamities that befall me, the criminal incarceration of Young Loomis has completely alleviated the helpless rage I experienced over his perverse understanding of domestic hygiene.



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